dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
