i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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