Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
