So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
