Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
