you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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