I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
