your thong is hanging out like whoa
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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