I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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