I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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