just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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