Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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