this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
