i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
