I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
