She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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