She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
