ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
