I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
