I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
