Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
