I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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