in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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