Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
