I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
