i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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