i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
