ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
