Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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