I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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