I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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