As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
