My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
