and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
