4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
