i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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