Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
