Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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