I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
