His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize