Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
