The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
