I didn't shave. On purpose
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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