I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
