hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
