do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
