If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
