Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Less talking, more tequila
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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