so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
