I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
