My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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