ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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