i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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