he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
