I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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