I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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