Ambien. No doubt about it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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