she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i love accidental penises.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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