we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
