I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
